Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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