oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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