So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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