we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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