Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
