I need help removing her.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
