I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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