They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
