Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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