my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why do cheetos always look like penises
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
