So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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