Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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