OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
