Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
