I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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