If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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