Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
