Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
