I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
