I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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