I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
