Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
