I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
