I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
