I think my fart just growled at me.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
