I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
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he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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