I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
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I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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