If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
