I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
