i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
