That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
