Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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