By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
