The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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