3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
