we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
