were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
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