I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
