I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
