This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
