youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
