So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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