you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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