goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
