Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
