Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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