yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
