he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
