There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
