4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
