I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
