he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
