In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
