I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
