I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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