It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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