Your face is a jimmy john
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I think I just sharted jello shots
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