i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I have feelings that need drinking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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