I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
