I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
