My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
