Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
