ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
