what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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