shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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