The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
